Hey im not here to say oh Im in love with my boyfriend blah blah blah(im nowhere near "in" love yet) ...and yes i realized i already wrote an entry on love but this one is different... after a chance meeting of someone old and then something i didn't expect from someone else got me thinking about what i think it means to be "in" love.
Well in my naive mind i like to think i have been in love twice...and yes i do mean "in" love. The first boy i completely gave my heart to was so much different than how he is now and honestly i still care so much for that kid it rediculous. i feel dumb telling about it now cause i sound so stupid haha! It was the summer before my junior year of high school when we were together. It had to be kept under wraps cause i knew my family wouldn't like him. We were officially together for a short time but he is the only boy that i have trully fallen head over heels for in that quick of a time. but our little dance we did lasted beyond my junior year and recently it kinda spilled into now. he was the first boy i told i will always love you...and i meant it...and quite honestly to this day i can say i still love him...after all the shit he has put me through i still love this foo! haha... well now the second time....damn high school i swear...we were together for almost two years. He had my heart and even if he doesn't believe it i am still in love with him. I still miss him...albeit him and i going our seperate ways is farely recent (probably about 4 or 5 or 6 months lol) but none the less ...
He was the one... more so than the first one...when i saw him i was able to see my whole future...i was able to see how we would be together when we were old. He was my everything (well God was still number one but you get it lol). well i still cry about how my own laziness made me lose him. he was everything i wanted and more. ha! to this day i still get butterflies and feel like i just ran ten miles when i see him. I talked to him today and it felt so good like old times like things were like how they used to be...but they weren't and he wasn't mine. I think this realization hurts the most. He was the second person for me to say I will always love you....and for me that is a biiiiiggggg thing for me to say especially since i don't believe in love being forever or i hate saying it. I loved this boy whith all my heart i would do anything for him ...and i honestly would do anything to have him one more time....i have never loved anyone as much as i loved him...and you know they say absence makes the heart grow fonder....well, i miss him...i really do....don't get me wrong its not like i can't love another....i love my boyfriend now but im not in love with him and we are ok with this....
which brings me to where i am in my life now...i am with a great guy now i love him but we are not in love...and for now that is great...im not ready to give my heart out to anyone like i have in the past right now...and honestly i still don't have all my heart back ....but yea...idk ...its going to be quite awhile before i can love someone as much as i loved the second one or as i reflect more and more the first one...these two gave me insight and a glimpse of the wonderful power of love... i still miss the second one a lot and think of the first one but i guess its a part of life... God is always there and i know He is looking out for me...
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